


Dear Isak

by Jeeha



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Domestic Evak, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Post Season 4, TW: Mention of Self Harm, evak getaway, tw: mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-09 20:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11676198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeeha/pseuds/Jeeha
Summary: Almost a year and a half has passed since Isak and Even have been together. They're happy and more in love than they have ever been. But things aren't always perfect.Isak gets to discover the many hidden layers to Even, and with each wall that comes tumbling down their bond grows stronger, as does Isak's understanding and love for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**"Dear Isak. I’m now sitting at the place where we first met and thinking about you. It’s soon 21:21. I want to tell you a thousand things. I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for not telling you that I’m bipolar. I was scared of losing you. I had forgot that it’s not possible to lose someone, that all people are alone anyways. In another place in the universe we are together for eternity, remember that. I love you. Even."**

Isak was scrolling through his texts with Even, smiling fondly at all the conversations they had ever had when he came to this one message. It had been over a year since this but Isak's heart still sped up as he read it. He was no longer smiling, the fear he had felt that night came rushing back, his eyes glistened at the very thought of anything bad happening to the love of his life. He no longer felt comfortable sitting alone in their apartment, he was fidgeting as all the thoughts he'd locked up in the deepest, darkest corners of his mind came undone. He wanted to see Even this very instance, he wanted to hold him, to knot his fingers in his hair, to kiss him, to _feel_ him, to know that he's real. They're real and here and happy and together.

He unlocked his phone and texted Even.

Isak: **"When are you coming home?"**

It's not like he didn't know the answer already but he needed contact. A minute later his phone dinged.

Even: **"An hour, baby. :( You okay?"**

Isak: **"Just missing you <3"**

Even: **"Miss you more <3"**

The uneasiness settled in Isak's entire body, he was going through all the emotions he had gone through the first time he read that message. How his feet had just somehow carried him from the church to the school, he didn't know. All he had known was that he needed to get to Even, it didn't matter how, and that's exactly how he was feeling right now even though he knew Even was alright. He couldn't just sit there anymore so he got up, grabbed his keys and headed out for a stroll. The day was surprisingly warm, Isak found some comfort in that, so he tried to shut his brain off and walked around aimlessly. The next thing he knew, he was standing outside the coffee shop which wasn't all that crowded, he looked in through the glass and immediately felt a little better as he saw that beautiful face crunched up in a smile as he talked to a customer. Isak stood there and watched his boyfriend work for a few minutes, he wanted to soak this in, to burn this image of Even in his mind.

"Halla," Even's head snapped around as soon as he heard the familiar voice.

"Halla!" He said with a giant smile on his face with just a hint of confusion. He leaned over the counter and gave Isak a quick but sweet kiss. Isak's eyes filled up a little bit with relief. He quickly looked down hoping Even hadn't noticed. "I'm getting off in like two minutes, could you wait?" Isak smiled slyly and spoke loud enough for only Even's ears, "Funny, that's what you said last night." And walked over to one of the empty tables smugly as he heard Even laugh and whisper, "Fy faen, Isak, you're driving me insane."

Isak scrolled through his Instagram feed as he waited for Even, pausing every now and then to double-tap a post. His finger hovered over a picture Jonas had posted of Isak and himself from the beginning of the ninth grade, both boys were unaware of the camera and laughing at something Isak couldn't recall anymore. He had changed so much, not only in the physical sense, but in his bones, he was himself now and he was unafraid and unapologetic for it, he was in love for the first time, he was happy and he was a better person for it.

"Should I be jealous?" Even's amused voice floated from behind, his breath tickling Isak's ear.

"Maybe," Isak replied playfully and heard a dramatic offended gasp in reply.  
"Neii, you're all mine, Isak Valtersen, now and forever," Even draped his long arms around Isak from behind and kissed his cheek twice which made Isak grin and blush. He grabbed Even's hand and stood up, "Let's go home?" Even just nodded and smiled at Isak like he was the center of the universe.

"You never answered my question that day," Isak said smiling as they walked down, Even walking backwards holding both of Isak's hands in his own. "What question?" he asked fondly tilting his head to one side. "Why do you always have to walk like _that_?" Even laughed loudly, eyes crinkling, head thrown back and Isak did too, looking into his blue eyes. "Well?" Isak said again. Even half sighed, half laughed. "Well, it's your fault I always have to walk like this," Isak raised his eyebrows in question, "You're so fucking hot, I can't really take my eyes off you." Even flashed him his million dollar sideways smile and Isak's heart skipped a beat. He had a giant goofy grin plastered on his face the rest of the walk home.

As soon as the door shut behind them Even caught Isak's hand and pushed him against the wall, still holding one of his hands in his own and pinning the other with his free one above Isak, "So what was that little comment about last night?" He asked challengingly and despite however many times they had had sex before, Isak still seemed to melt into a puddle on the inside, cheeks flushing a deep red every time he was under Even's gaze like this, blue eyes burning with longing and love, eyebrows raised in question and a little smirk on his face. He loved it every time smaller boy blushed because he knew only he could make him feel that way. Even turned over Isak's hand and kissed the inside of his palm. _And Isak's heart broke._ Every emotion he had felt earlier that day came flooding back, the thought of how much he loved Even, how scared he was and how scared he still is all the time because what if it happens again, what if this time he isn't able to help him? His head slumped forward onto Even's shoulder and the tears began to flow. The older boy quickly wrapped his arms around Isak and stroked his hair gently, "Isak? Isak? Hey?" Even tried to pull back just a little bit to see Isak, to try and understand, but Isak only tightened his grip around him. And Even gave in, hands raking his blond curls and mumbling soothing words into his ear. They stood there wrapped up in each other for a few minutes which felt like hours, when Isak finally stopped shaking Even pulled back just a bit and cupped his face in his hands, "Hey, what is it?" he asked softly, but when Isak didn't say anything he just kissed his forehead and slowly tugged him towards the bedroom, sat him down on the edge of the bed and crouched down on the ground in front of him, still holding one of his hands in his own and rubbing circles on his boyfriend's cheek with the thumb of his free hand. They sat in silence for a few minutes - Even searching Isak's face for answers but finding none- before Isak broke it, "I'm sorry, it's just... just some stuff with my parents." Even knew that wasn't true, Isak had always been a terrible liar but he didn't want to push, he'd tell him whatever it was when he was ready so he just replied softly, "Do you want to talk about it?" Isak slowly shook his head. "Okay, I'm here for you, okay? I'm going to make us dinner. I love you." He sighed and kissed Isak's temple before leaving the room.

Isak sat there for a long time after Even had left, his head in his hands, he knew he should've told Even what this was really about, he knew Even must've known he was lying and how much that must've hurt him but he could not bring himself to tell him. Even would take it all wrong, he would blame himself for Isak's tears, it would crush him to know he was the reason and that would destroy Isak because Even was in no way at fault here, Isak was just worried, he was allowed to worry for his boyfriend. He didn't know what to do anymore but he knew that he needed to put a smile on his face right now and be with Even, he didn't want to bring him down too. So he turned on his computer, went on to Youtube.com and entered _"Gutten som ikke kunne holde pusten under vann"_ on to the search bar. As soon as the video started playing, there was a giant smile plastered on his face, his thoughts quiet for at least the time being. Ever since his birthday whenever Isak hadn't felt good for any reason and Even wasn't around to make him feel better he'd watch the video and immediately be cheered up and today was no different, except the video couldn't exactly erase today's problem but it could put it at the back of his head for a bit. He watched himself and Even being happy and carefree and _so_ in love, holding hands, planting kisses on each other, Isak always liked watching Even looking at him with so much love and adoration, even when he was asleep Even looked at him like he was the sun and Isak loved it. He shut his laptop off and strolled out to the kitchen to help, humming and smiling as if nothing had happened. Even was at the counter, working soundlessly, his shoulders a little tense. Isak wrapped his arms around his waist from behind and it felt as if every muscle in Even's body relaxed into Isak's embrace and a relieved-laugh bubbled from his lips, "Is that _Nattergal_ you're humming?" Isak loosened his grip and allowed just enough space for Even to turn around and face him. "Excuse me, I was watching the video _you_ made me." He said feigning defensiveness. Even laughed again, a full genuine laugh which reached his eyes crinkling them and Isak felt his heart swell with so much love and awe for this beautiful boy that he didn't know what to do with it. "I thought I heard Gabrielle," he said planting a kiss on the smaller boy's nose and then one on his lips, deep and filled with longing and meaning, conveying everything he couldn't put in words - how much he loved him, how he would always be there for him no matter how bad things got, how much he wanted him- and Isak put his entire self in it in return, willing himself to do the same, to open up and let Even in in ways that he couldn't verbally. He put his hands in Even's hair while Even hooked his fingers in the belt loops of Isak's jeans and tried to pull him even closer, which wasn't possible since they were glued to each other already, a mess of tangled limbs, Isak thought if someone from the outside saw them like this they wouldn't know where Even ended and Isak began, he smiled mentally at the thought, he liked that he wasn't just Isak anymore, he was Even's Isak, just as Even was his, he liked that they were _IsakandEven_ now, as if they weren't two people but one because that's how they felt to him, one. Isak snaked his hands up Even's shirt, running his fingers on the smooth front and then along the spine as Even's entire body shuddered under his touch. One of Even's hands was on Isak's face now as he traced kisses down the other side of his neck. Isak cocked his head back as Even made his way down and... the oven timer went off loudly making the boys jump and break away breathlessly from one another.  
"Fy faen," Even breathed as he turned off the oven. His blue eyes glancing over to his boyfriend who was now leaning against the counter trying to catch his breath, shirt wrinkled, lips swollen, curls all messed up, eyes wild and just the slightest of marks on his neck. Even shut his eyes because god, this boy was making him crazy, he was so beautiful Even's heart hurt every time he looked at him wondering what he had done to deserve so much good in his life? When he opened his eyes, Isak's were staring right at him, watching him, looking so innocent yet delivering promises of such euphoric fantasies, it took every ounce of self control Even had to not throw him on the table right in the middle of the kitchen and devour him whole.


	2. Chapter 2

Isak woke up to the sound of Even bustling about in the apartment, he rarely ever stayed in bed as long as Isak did, he woke up almost at the first light of dawn and stayed there watching Isak sleep. The rising and falling of his boyfriend's chest calmed his inner sea of turmoil, seeing his face so innocent framed by beautiful messy blonde curls, looking so at peace it erased Even's own worries, for a few moments everything was perfect. Isak shifted himself towards Even's side of the bed, burying his face in his pillow, he loved lying there because it smelt like him. He put his hand under the pillow to try and stretch when his fingers felt a piece of paper hiding in there waiting to be found just by him. He already had a smile on his face before he pulled it out as a wave of memories flooded his mind from a time that seemed so long ago. He lay down on his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows as he reached for the paper. It was just as he had expected, a drawing of two alternate universes... except in this both sides of the drawing were exactly identical; Isak sleeping on his side and Even propped up on his elbow watching him sleep, everything was the same, even the color of the curtains. It took Isak a moment to understand but when he read the text, everything became clear.

**_"Same time in a different universe."_ **

**_" Everything right now is perfect, I know this love is worth it."_ **

**_"Du er digg_** _♥_ "

Isak hugged the drawing close to his chest and just lay there for a long time staring at the ceiling. God, how he loved Even. He finally got up and pinned this drawing carefully up with the others then waded out grinning ear to ear in only his socks and boxers. Even was sitting on the couch, hair still tousled from sleeping, talking to his mother on the phone. Isak kissed his cheek from behind, "Tell her I say hi," he placed another kiss on Even's cheek as he said his goodbyes then turned around to face Isak and kiss him properly. He sat down beside Even, their foreheads pressed against each other, "Thank you for the new drawing, I love it." He smiled shyly as Even just pushed his curls back from his eyes and kissed his forehead. "I love you," he said. Isak's reply was drowned in laughter and yelling as Even pushed him back on the couch and started planting giant slobbery kisses all over his face.

It was a beautiful Saturday morning, the sun was shining, the wind was warmer and the flowers were starting to bloom, so the boys decided to have breakfast at the coffee shop down the street from their apartment. It was quite crowded since the day was a nice one and everyone wanted to get a little sun before it went into hiding again. The coffee shop had expanded, tables and chairs were placed on the sidewalk outside and mostly teenagers sat there eating and chattering happily. Isak and Even sat on an empty table across one another, still in a happy love bubble from last night. A waitress came by to take their order and then came back with their food surprisingly early.

"I think someone has a little crush on you," Isak said playfully.  
"Isak, baby, we're together now, you don't have to play coy anymore. I know you have a crush on me, it's okay." Even smirked back at him, teasing. "Not me, smartass," Isak laughed loudly, "that girl over there has had her eyes glued to you ever since we walked in here," he raised his eyebrows in her general direction behind Even to get him to turn and see. Even cast a quick glance behind him and just as the girl started to smile flirtatiously at him, he rose from his chair, reached across the table, cupped Isak's face in his hands and kissed him smack on the mouth, earning a surprised groan out of him. He let go and Isak looked back at the girl who was looking away now a slight shade of red tinting her cheeks, Isak imagined he looked the same except a lot darker, Even made him feel a certain way no one else ever could. Even kissed his cheek now, "I only have eyes for you, Isak Valtersen." He sat back down happily munching on his croissant and saying something about it being the perfect day.

"You know I was thinking, we should go away this week, I can take time off work, you can skip school, we'll go somewhere, just you and me. What do you think?"

"I... yeah, um... I don't really...." Isak began taken by surprise when Even interrupted him, "Yeah, we're going, I just texted Eva asking if her cabin was free." He smiled brightly at Isak who couldn't help but return it and nod. He didn't have the heart to say no when Even was looking at him like this, blue eyes huge and glassy and if he was being honest he didn't _want_ to say no, he'd been so stressed because of school lately this would be good for him. How much could he really miss in a few days? He could just borrow his friends' notes. Him and Even all alone, away from the real world for a while was what he truly needed. He broke away from his thoughts and looked at Even who was busy typing away at his phone, he must've felt Isak's eyes on him because he looked up, puckered his lips and blew Isak a kiss then went back to typing furiously. "Eva says we can have it for an entire week if we want," he said without looking up from his phone. "We won't be there for a whole week... will we? I have school." Isak replied.

"I think we should go for an entire week, disappear and just memorize all the curves and crooks of each other's bodies by heart," he said making his voice low and seductive and winked at Isak, keeping his phone aside.  
"Well, when you put it that way.." Isak replied slowly and Even grinned slyly like he was already undressing Isak in his mind.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They lugged their bags inside, they'd tried to pack as light as possible but one week was a pretty long time so they did need to keep some important things. Even plopped down on the couch, sighing, tired from all the driving; they had borrowed his mother's car since it was more convenient than taking the bus. He had talked and sung along his "road trip playlist" the entire way while Isak just rolled his eyes, laughed and gratefully watched his boyfriend be happy. When Gabrielle came on Isak couldn't help but grin widely and nod his head to the music, every time he heard _that_ song the memories of the kollectiv kitchen came to him and he felt as if his heart was being squeezed and butterflies fluttered in his stomach. He was content. He felt whole. He had never felt this way before Even but he felt it most of the time now, it's not as if things were always perfect with them but he knew that he had found the missing piece of his heart. Whatever happened tomorrow, Even had helped him uncover the parts of himself he had tried so hard to bury before and he would always be thankful for that. He smiled at Even who was now going around the cabin looking at the rooms, he stuck his head through the kitchen door, looked around then jumped on the couch beside Isak, "I can work with it, I have a special breakfast planned for you tomorrow," he said kissing Isak who had his eyebrows raised in question, "It's a surprise," he smiled his I-know-something-you-don't smile and Isak couldn't help but kiss him in return, the kiss got too intense too fast and before either of them knew it Even was on top of Isak, hands pinned down on the arm-rest, both of them shirtless, out of breath and their hearts speeding. Isak tilted his head back and closed his eyes as Even kissed his neck gently at first then with more force pressing down on him till a breathless moan escaped Isak's lips, Even's lips brushed over his collarbones and Isak's hands tightened into his hair as he made his way further down Isak's body. "Baby," Isak whispered  breathlessly, "should we move to the bedroom?" Even groaned in reply, unzipping and yanking down Isak's jeans and flipping him over. Isak didn't speak after that.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

They lay on the couch for a long time afterwards, both breathing in sync, no words spoken, comfortable silence enveloping them, hands running through hair or thumbs lightly caressing a cheek or shoulders, soft soundless kisses exchanged, eyes smiling, passing a joint between them, the world faded out in black and white, only the two of them in bright neon colors.

"How many kids do you think we'll have? How many do you want?" Even asked suddenly propping on an elbow smiling down at Isak who coughed loudly inhaling the smoke in the wrong pipe at the jolt of shock from the question. This made Even throw his head back and dissolve into a fit of laughter. "Come on, have you really never thought about it?"

"I think you've had too much of this," Isak raised his eyebrows at the cigarette between his fingers, eyes not daring to meet Even's. When there was no answer Isak looked at him and realized it was a serious question, he wasn't just screwing around. "We're basically children ourselves," he began trying to sound practical but when Even didn't say anything, he sighed and gave a small nod, "Maybe I have," he said trying not to give too much away, shaping it almost like a question and it worked, Even answered, "I want three, two boys and one little girl," he smiled staring into space as if he was looking right into the future. Isak stroked his cheek and kissed him softly. He got up taking Even's hand and lead them to the bedroom.

When Isak woke the next morning the sun was shining in the room through the drawn back curtains, the spot beside him was empty and he could hear movement in the kitchen. He smiled at the thought of Even's "special breakfast" and rolled around in the bed, stretching lazily. He wished his boyfriend would've stayed in bed longer and just laid there with him but he couldn't really complain since Even was up early to cook something special for him. Isak had never been particularly religious despite his mom being a devout Catholic, but it was at moments like these he felt compelled to send a prayer of thanks to whoever or whatever was up there, to whatever lead him to Even, whether it was God or the universe or something different entirely, he was grateful.  He hopped out of bed, shrugged on Even's shirt since he couldn't find his own and walked towards the kitchen. As soon as he opened the door to the kitchen Even pushed him right back in the living room, "Neii, you sit there, I'll be right back," he said gripping Isak's shoulders and pushing him towards the table. He pulled out a chair for Isak, kissed him and ran back to the kitchen. Isak shook his head and smiled, on the table were two plates, glasses, a jug of what looked like orange juice and in the middle of the table sat a small vase- in it a bunch of beautiful big yellow dandelions. Isak already knew what this "surprise" breakfast was going to be but he still felt giddy as if last night's high hadn't worn off yet. But he knew this was a completely different kind of high; pure, unadulterated joy and love. He checked the unread notifications on his phone, **_43 new messages_** from the boys' group chat. Isak sighed and scrolled up to try and figure out where the conversation had actually began.

 

_Yesterday_

**Magnus (23:08)** You guys want to hang out at my place after school tomorrow?

 **Mahdi (23:08)** I'm free

 **Magnus (23:09)** Jonas? Isak?

 **Magnus (23:15)** ??

 

_Today_

**Jonas (2:18)** I've kinda got plans with Eva, so I can't..

 **Magnus (2:20)** And by plans he means they're going to have sex..

 **Jonas (2:21)** Piss off, Magnus

 **Jonas (2:21)** And Isak isn't even here?

 **Jonas (2:21)** He's with Even

 **Mahdi (2:22)** They won't be home for a week, remember?

 **Magnus (2:23)**!!

 **Magnus (2:23)** I'd forgotten

 **Magnus (2:58)** What do you guys think they're doing?

 **Magnus (3:00)** Guys?

 **Jonas (3:01)** Mags, go the fuck to sleep

 **Mahdi (3:01** ) They're away alone. What do _you_ think they're doing?

 **Jonas (3:03)** Mahdi, don't encourage him!

 **Magnus (3:04)** You guys think they're...?

**Magnus (3:04)** _wink emoji_

**Jonas (3:05)**...

 **Magnus (3:06)** I have a great idea..

 **Jonas (3:06)** Magnus, NO

_Magnus added Even_

 

 **Magnus (3:07)** Let's just ask them

 

_Jonas left_

_Magnus added Jonas_

**Jonas (3:10)** Even, I want you to know I had nothing to do with anything this idiot says

 **Mahdi (3:11)** Same, bro

 **Even (3:15)** Hahah. Hi, boys. What's up

 **Even (3:15)** What're we talking about at this hour

 **Even (3:16)** Don't you young people have school tomorrow

 **Even (3:16)** I don't because I graduated already

 **Even (3:16)** My life is greeeat

 **Jonas (3:17)** Less than one year dude, then we're out too

 **Jonas (3:17)** Finally

 **Magnus (3:18)** So Even...

 **Magnus (3:18)** You seem like you're in a good mood

 **Magnus (3:19)** How's your trip?

 **Magnus (3:19)** What're you guys up to?

 **Magnus (3:20)** Also tell your boyfriend to reply to his friends

 **Even (3:21)** Haha, it's great, we're enjoying. The cabin is beautiful

 **Even (3:21)** I'm working and Isak's asleep but I will tell him to reply to you when he wakes up

 **Magnus (3:22)** He's with you and asleep already? Brooo..  So what did you guys do before?

 **Jonas (3:23)** Smh

 

_Jonas left_

_Mahdi left_

 

 **Even (3:25)** You don't want to know ;)

 

_Even left_

**Magnus (3:27)** Come on, you guys

Magnus, Isak shook his head just as Even walked in carrying a tray, which he set down on the table before kissing Isak's cheek.  Isak grinned widely when he looked in the tray, grilled cheese toast with loads of cardamom, just as he had expected.

"Cardamom!" He laughed loudly, Even did too.

"There are eggs too, if you want." He said pouring juice in Isak's glass and his own.

"Takk," Isak smiled sweetly, putting one of his hands on the table, which Even took.

"So... what were you working on at 3 am?" Isak asked between mouthfuls of toast.

"I was just working on the concept for my application," He replied, downing his glass of juice, "Got a bunch of work done, loads of good ideas coming to me," He smiled widely at Isak who smiled back just a little uneasily, something fluttering at the back of his mind which he pushed away before it took the form of a complete thought.

"Did you sleep at all?" He asked.

"I did, a couple of hours. How did you sleep?" Even replied.

"Like the dead," Even laughed at this.

"Good," He kissed Isak's wrist, "So... Magnus?" The both laughed loudly.

"Ignore him," Isak grinned. They sat there eating, laughing and talking for a long time.

 

That night when they lay in bed, Even suddenly spoke, "You'll graduate soon.. What're your plans?"

"I was actually thinking about applying to Lillehammer."

"Oh? Which program do you want to go for?"

"Um.. psychology," Isak said carefully then quickly added, "Or maybe law, you know, I don't know yet."

"Those are two very different fields," Even replied.

"I know, but I just..." He stopped mid-sentence trying to think.

"Isak," Even said softly, intently staring at him now, "It's completely alright if you _want_ to study psychology, you know that right? I just don't want you to think you _have_ to in order to understand me better, okay?"

Isak sighed, "I knew you'd think that I feel I have to."

"Baby, I don't think that and even if I do sometimes then you can just _tell_ me otherwise, right? I will believe you, I promise."

"Oh. Well then I think I will go for psychology at Lillehammer. I looked it up and it's got great film programs too," he smiled.

"It does, I am applying there," Even smiled back, "We'll be together."

Isak sighed happily. Things were good right now. "Can we just stay here forever?" He asked, looking up at Even, who nodded and kissed his forehead, "We can."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are still here and that you're enjoying my work. Comments are always welcome x

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written a fan fic (and I haven't read many either, to be honest) but my heart wasn't ready to let Evak go just yet so this is my first little attempt. It will probably be 3 chapters long, and I won't be able to include all the characters in but please bear with me. Hope ya'll enjoy. Leave a comment x


End file.
